Khutbah 05/14/2010 - Raising Muslim Children I - Marriage to Early Childhood


All Praise be to Allah,

the One whose mercy shelters people

and allows life to proceed

and gives blessings and happiness

to those who follow his way.


All praise be to Allah

the one who made people need other people

to make people work together

to test their morals and behaviors.


And on the Day of Judgment,

everyone will be asked

what he or she did

with what they were guardians over.


Have they protected and cared, or ignored and destroyed.


Narrated عبدالله بن عمر  in Albukhari, Prophet Mohammad said:


Every one  of you is a guardian

and is responsible  for his charges.

The ruler who has authority over people,

is a guardian and is responsible for them,

A man is a guardian of his family

and is responsible for them;

A woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children

and is responsible for them;

A servant is a guardian of his master's property

and is responsible for it;

So all of you are guardians

and are responsible for your charges." 



And we bear witness that there is no God but Allah.

the one who orders the angels as our Prophet said

as narrated by Hudhaifa Ibn Usaid in صحيح مسلم:


When the drop of semen remains in the womb

for 40 or 50 days or 40 nights,

the angel comes and says:

My Lord, will he be good or evil?

And both these things would be written.

Then the angel says:

My Lord, would he be male or female?

And both these things are written.

And his deeds and actions,

his death and his livelihood;

these are also recorded.

Then his book of destiny is sealed

and there will be no addition to it

and nothing removed from it.

And we bear witness that Mohammad is the Messenger of Allah.

He assured us that every baby that is born

is brought to life with the Islamic faith

already in his or her heart.


No matter if the parents were Jews or Christians

they may be as they please,

but the faith of newborn is only changed by the parents.


Our Prophet taught us to raise our children,

and to always make the supplication

that Allah taught us in the Quran

when he said about the believers:


وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

"Our Lord!

Grant us from our wives and our offspring

a comfort for our eyes,

and make us leaders of the righteous.

Furthermore,

This is a time and place where Muslims are a minority

and children argue with their parents

and treat them as if they are not their family.

and cause pain and grief to their parents,

       except for a few whom Allah has kept guided on his path.


We live in a time

where everything has turned and shifted upside down,

and where many of our children see the good as bad

and the bad as good.


They see the religious one as someone to be avoided

Or too strict and should be felt sorry for


They see the Masjid as a place that brings trouble,

and see the bad and the Haraam as beneficent,

and lie to themselves by calling it freedom,

and that everyone else should follow their way.


Their worldly pleasures have transformed them to wickedness,

and the Shayteen of humans and demons have tricked them. 


أَفَرَأَيْتَ مَنِ اتَّخَذَ إِلَـٰهَهُ هَوَاهُ وَأَضَلَّهُ اللَّهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ وَخَتَمَ عَلَىٰ سَمْعِهِ وَقَلْبِهِ وَجَعَلَ عَلَىٰ بَصَرِهِ غِشَاوَةً فَمَن يَهْدِيهِ مِن بَعْدِ اللَّهِ ۚ  أَفَلَا تَذَكَّرُونَ


Have you seen him who takes his own lust

And his vain desires as his God


And Allah knows him as such,

But Allah left him astray,

and sealed his hearing and his heart,

and put a cover on his sight.


Who then will guide him after Allah?

Will you not then remember?



They have lost. By Allah they have lost themselves.


فَاعْبُدُوا مَا شِئْتُم مِّن دُونِهِ ۗقُلْ إِنَّ الْخَاسِرِينَ الَّذِينَ خَسِرُوا أَنفُسَهُمْ وَأَهْلِيهِمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ۗأَلَا ذَ‌ٰلِكَ هُوَ الْخُسْرَانُ الْمُبِينُ


So serve then what you like besides Him (Allah).


Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم):

The losers are those who will lose themselves

and their families

on the Day of Resurrection.

Now surely that is the clear loss."


And here is where it is absolutely important

to focus on raising our children good in this country.


Early Muslims have always lived as a majority

in the old countries or in lands that became Muslim

and did not face a great deal of non-Muslim influence

to compete with the process of raising their children

to grow up as Muslims and surrounded by Muslims

and to follow the footsteps of their parents.


Times have changed, however,

And life has become much more complex

and much harder than before.

Goals and opportunities have increased,

There are many fields and many degrees

And more ways than ever to use your time for good

Or to waste it in useless means and ways

Scholars identify childhood as the best stage to raise children

and implant in them the faith, values, and morals

that will guide them through the rest of their lives

Childhood is the critical stage to gain these skills.

It affects them mentally and physically forever.

So when you start raising you kids, start early

And do it with a clean pure intention for the best results.

The plants that grow in a garden and are cared for,

will far outgrow and be more fruitful

than what grows in a harsh deserted wilderness.


The poet has been truthful when he said:


Rightly raising your children at young age is a benefit

       For trying to raise them right later in life will do no good


If a young tree branch is straightened, it will harden straight,

       but an old dry branch will never be straightened


Scholars have divided raising children into stages


The first stage: Before Birth


The child’s life starts within the first 120 days

while the baby is in the mothers womb.


Doctors confirm that the baby feels the mother

       and is affected by her distress

and physiological and mental states.



If a mother loves and cares for the baby in her womb

       Then the child will be born loving the mother.

But mothers who despise the baby for whatever reason

       (such as not wanting a baby at all,

or because they want a boy but the ultrasound shows a girl)

The hated baby will be born despising their own mother.

       So be very thankful to Allah for the gift He granted.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------


In other trials, sometimes the baby dies in during pregnancy,

       Or in childbirth,

       Or in early childhood or at a young age.

These are all tests from Allah and part of life.


Abu Hurayra narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,

"The believer continues to be struck

by misfortune, in his children, and close friends

until he meets Allah, with no wrong actions.

By the Seventh month of pregnancy,

the infant feels and hears and is affected by his surroundings.

So we advice mothers to stay away from excessive noise.

A study published in 2008 by the University of California in LA

and Aarhus University in Denmark,

       suggests that a pregnant woman's cell phone use

       could cause later behavioral problems in her baby.

Whether or not those findings are conclusive,

       it is better to avoid unnecessary risks to our children.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Doctor Ahmad At-Taaji of Al-Azhar University in Egypt

       Conducted research on the affects

of listening to Quran recitation during pregnancy,

       which followed other research done in America in the 1990s


The mothers were divided in four research groups

       where each group listened to Quran recitations.

The four groups were:

1- Muslims who understand Arabic

2- Muslims who do not understand Arabic

3- non Muslims who understand Arabic

4- non Muslims who do not understand Arabic


The results showed noticeable positive effects

on the heartbeat and movement of the baby in the womb.

سبحان الله


Smoking and second hand smoke during and after pregnancy

       are both very harmful for the baby as you all know.


Suhban allah, all of this confirms what Prophet Mohammad said:

Do not befriend but a believer in Allah

and only the believer should eat from your food.

You are looked upon by who your friends are,

so be careful who you befriend.

AbuHurayrah also narrated that Prophet Mohammad said:

A man follows the religion of his friend;

so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.

Allah also says in Surat An-Najm:

هوَ أَعْلَمُ بِكُمْ إِذْ أَنشَأَكُم مِّنَ الْأَرْضِ وَإِذْ أَنتُمْ أَجِنَّةٌ فِي بُطُونِ أُمَّهَاتِكُمْ ۖفَلَا تُزَكُّوا أَنفُسَكُمْ ۖهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَنِ اتَّقَىٰ

Allah knows you best,

when He brings you forth from the earth

and when you are embryos,

in the wombs of your mothers.

Therefore, do not attribute purity to your souls;

Allah knows best

those who guard themselves against evil.

Allah also says:

يَخْلُقُكُمْ فِي بُطُونِ أُمَّهَاتِكُمْ خَلْقًا مِّن بَعْدِ خَلْقٍ فِي ظُلُمَاتٍ ثَلَاثٍ

He creates you in the wombs of your mothers

       a creation after a creation-- in triple darkness


Not a moment should go to waste in a Muslim’s life

       And raising our children is the greatest example


We start by choosing a righteous husband or wife

and that is the only way to plant the seed in the clean soil,

       to be able to receive the healthy and ripe fruits.



Then we proceed on the duaa and prayer we give to our children

       like when the prophet of allah Zakariyah said:

Oh Allah, and make my son obedient


And he also said:

هُنَالِكَ دَعَا زَكَرِيَّا رَبَّهُ ۖقَالَ رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ  إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

There did Zakariya pray to his Lord; he said:

My Lord! Grant me from You a good offspring;

surely You are the Hearer of prayer.



Allah also says about hawa (eve) when she was pregnant:


هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا ۖفَلَمَّا تَغَشَّاهَا حَمَلَتْ حَمْلًا خَفِيفًا فَمَرَّتْ بِهِ ۖ  فَلَمَّا أَثْقَلَت دَّعَوَا اللَّهَ رَبَّهُمَا لَئِنْ آتَيْتَنَا صَالِحًا لَّنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الشَّاكِرِينَ


He it is Who created you from a single being,

and of the same kind did He make his mate,

that he (the husband) might incline to her (the wife);


So when he covers her she bears a light burden,

then moves about with it;

but when it grows heavy,


they both call upon Allah, their Lord:

If You give us a good child,

we shall be grateful.


Starting Marriage the Right Way:


We seek Allah’s help, guidance, and protection in every step.

In marriage, we pray two Rak’as before making the decision.

Then the husband places his hand upon his wife’s,

Saying:

O Allah, I ask the best of her

and what you make the best of her

and prevent me from any wickedness from her

and what may come of her.


People of good Muslim morals,

are meant for those Muslims of good morals.

But those of evil morals, are paired with others of the same evil.


Prophet Mohammad advised his companions

to make a prayer before the husband and wife are united:

O Allah make us avoid Shaytaan,

and make him avoid our offspring.

So if Allah grants them children, Shaytaan cannot harm them.

The prayers and worship,

Salaah and Qiyaam,

and selecting the good Muslim husband or wife

will ensure that the children will grow

to be good Muslims with sound moral characters.


Providing a great care in choosing the right environment

       before and during marriage,

and even before the child is conceived,

       and throughout the pregnancy months,

       are all necessary to raising our children based on Islam.


So dear brothers in Islam, help your wives get closer to Allah,


And dear sisters in Islam, help your husbands get closer to Allah,


Get together both of you on the way of Allah

to raise your children together,

for each of you will pray for the other when one dies

allowing Allah to raise him or her levels in the highest Paradise!

The importance of the early childhood years,

and how to triumph over the difficulties

of raising our children to be strong believing Muslims,

and dedicated young men and women to advance society,

will be the focus of our next Khutba In Sha’ Alla.


As we end here with reminders from the Quran,

and points that we will address next time.


 قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا - وَقَدْ خَابَ مَن دَسَّاهَا


He or she will indeed be successful

the one who purifies his or her own self,

(by obeying and performing all that Allah ordered)

      

And he or she will indeed fail

the one who corrupts his or her own self.

(by disobeying what Allah has ordered)


 الدعاء

O’ Allah make us on the correct way of Islam

and the way of our prophet Mohammad صلى الله عليه وسلم

       and fill our hearts with love for Prophet Mohammad.


O’ Allah unite the Muslims and grant them faith and strength,

and give us the ability to do only what pleases you.


O’ Allah guide our Muslim youth and make them a great nation,

       like you made the Companions the best of all nations.


O’ Allah make us do prayer الصلاة on time and accept it
       with our supplication ( دعاء ) and charity ( صدقة)


O’ Allah forgive our sins, and the sins of our parents

and the sins of all the Muslims, who are living or dead


O’ Allah protect us and all Muslims from evil,

and make us a mercy for our families and relatives.


O’ Allah be pleased with us,
 and grant us your full forgiveness,
 and a home in your highest paradise,
 and permission to look upon your most beautiful face.