Khutbah 05/07/2010 - Rights of the Husband In Islam
All praise is due to Allah who synchronized the universe in his infinite wisdom, and created men who lead and guard their households; and made the upright man a paradise on earth, a fact that is only know the woman who lives with him.
We praise Allah who made married people the best of this life. We bear witness there is no God worthy of worship except Allah; who made it clear to the husband that if he fears his wife to be stubborn or leave the home that he should advise her, then desert her, then strike her lightly. As Allah says in Surat AnNisaa:
“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) discipline beat them (lightly, if it is useful); But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).”
And we pray and send our peace and blessings upon the prophet (s) who said:
“Indeed, if a woman prays her five (prayers), and fasts her month (Ramadan) and guards her private parts, and obeys her husband. It will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from any door you like.”
Prophet Mohammad (s) also called upon women to avoid fasting the optional days if the husband is home, except with his permission; and that she should not allow anyone to enter his home, except with his permission.
Allah (swt) says in Surat Albaqarah:
And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; But men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
This verse proves the rights of the husband on the wife as she has the rights from her husband.
The prophet (s) says: “Any woman who dies and her husband is pleased with her enters paradise.”
Scholars explain that she must also die as a Muslim, and Allah will forgive any of her sins and grant her Paradise.
Women in this country work to support the home just as much as men do. In this case Scholars suggest: Husband should take care of two thirds of the home expenses. The wife should not exempt herself from helping financially and should cover one third of expenses if she earns a salary.
Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah). Many sisters spend all their money to support the home, but we mention the Islamic ruling here to avoid conflict and provide stability for the home. Remember to live with your husband within his means; and if you see in yourself strength to help him financially, or to make things easy for him, then go ahead and help. And Allah will raise you in your deeds.
Do not count his every move and act like the angels of the grave. And if you see that he is bothered by certain issues, don’t mention such issues to him again.
One of the rights of a husband on a wife, She can only leave her house with her husband’s permission.
This reminds me of a woman whose husband travelled and did not give her permission to leave home until he returns. Her father became sick and she made duaa and Prayer for him, but did not visit him because her husband had not allowed it. After her father passed away she still did not go see him. People asked again why not go now that her father is dead. She said she had promised her husband and will keep his order. When the people went to tell the prophet of this story he said:
Her father went to Paradise, because of her prayer, and her obedience to her husband. Obeying your husband is a duty of every Muslim woman.
Being obedient to your husband must be in only what Islam allows and nothing against it.
There is a great reward for asking the husband’s permission. Every couple know the best method of giving such permission.
And there are many options out there for permission, one is necessary, and another is allowed, and one that is open ended that may only require calling, to comfort him by phone and let him know of your going.
It is also a right for a woman to remind her husband of Allah and to keep up with his Islamic faith and religion as the honorable women of the Companion used say every time their husbands would leave home:
Depend on Allah and have faith in whatever you do and do not feed us from haram, we would rather starve then serve the time in hell fire. It is necessary for a wife to care for her in laws
The wife must make her in laws happy to please her husband.
I personally know a family where whenever the husband was late on sending his parents money his wife would always say:
How will they live like we do, if you don’t send them anything. If you don’t send them money, I will send them my own money.
And this woman always called her mother in law and in laws, before she called her own family to check on them. Her husband always carried this favor for her, and always cared for her in the best ways. For this is what keeps a Muslim household together, and safe.
Preventing trouble at home:
I say that it is the small issues that ruin the marital life. So guard the secrets of your house, and don’t expose them to anyone, and let people say “What a perfect couple.”
There is no home that is free from problems. However, when you are not stubborn, and avoid complaining, and have patience and overlook mistakes, you will win your husband.
Don’t think in manners like: my family versus yours; my belongings versus yours; my status versus yours; and NEVER look at money as if it is everything.
Trust your husband and never lose faith in him
When you trust him he will increase care towards you. If you accept and respect your husband and become dedicated to serving and pleasing, he will be impressed with you and become closer to you, and will in turn become dedicated to making you happy.
Also, he has the right to intimacy with you, as long as you are in a pure state and there is no other reason like illness. You should also know that, if a wife refuses her husband’s call to bed, she will spend her night while the Angels curse her.
It is a duty of the wife to take care of her husband and to look nice for him, and give him a warm welcome when he comes home.
Imam Abu Hanifah has allowed that a husband can discipline his wife if she stops taking care of herself and trying to beautify herself to look good for him while he likes to see such beauty from her.
This is a call to every wife that she must beautify herself for her husband so she can keep him happy with her and provide him what he likes at home in Halal and so he would not look for what he likes elsewhere, in Halal or Haram.
Wisdom in Sharing and Problem Solving
The wife must not attack the husband with problems and bad news the moment he walks through the door at home
If she is able to resolve the issues with the kids, there is no need to expose the husband to them as he may be excessive in his punishment to the kids.
However, bigger issues that may ruin the home must be discussed and solved together. The wife must find the right time to discuss the issues quietly.
Attending to the Husband:
One of the responsibilities of the wife is to serve her husband. However, this maybe different around the world, depending on whether they live in the city or rural areas, and how modernized she is.
It also may depend on where the wife comes from. For example:
Did she have servants and maids at her parents home? Is she used to spending money as she spends now with her husband?
So, the husband must take all this into consideration and take in account her strengths and weaknesses.
With this, he is to ask her to serve him and his children as long as she is at home and he is working.
Ka’b bin Malik has mentioned that:
The first thing a woman is questioned about on the day of judgment is her prayer. Then she is questioned regarding the rights of her husband.
The scholars have also said that: If a woman runs away from her husband’s home, her prayer is not accepted until she goes back to him and she puts her hands in his hands and she says: “Do with me as you please.”
And if she makes Salah and does not pray for her husband, her prayer is returned upon her until she pays for him.
Allah, the exalted said the utmost truth when he said:
“The righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (their chastity and husband’s property)” (An-Nisaa)
The Wife and الحور العين
Our Muslim sisters should remember what our Prophet said:
No woman hurts her husband in this life except that his wife from (الحور العين) (the women of Paradise) says to her:
“don’t hurt him, may Allah fight you, he is only with you as a guest and he will soon leave you to come to us’”
Hurting her husband means doing or saying anything that will hurt the husband or displease him in anyway without any cause or reason. When the wife disobeys her husband she is letting go of him and giving him away to another woman in Paradise
Description of (الحور العين) women of Paradise,
They are women with wide eyes and dark black pupils and white face. And she loves her husband in Paradise.
ولو أن امرأة من أهل الجنة اطلعت إلى أهل الأرض لأضاءت ما بينهما ولملأته ريحا ، ولنصيفها على رأسها خير من الدنيا وما فيها
Prophet Mohammad said in البخاري:
If a woman from Paradise looked over at this world, hHer beauty would lighten up the heavens between the two, and would fill them with her most beautiful smell and her head cover is better than everything in this world.
When they say to the wife in dunya “may Allah fight you.” They are praying against the wife to be punished by Allah when she hurts her husband.
So, if you are obedient and respondent, you are more beautiful than (الحور العين) and you will be with your husband in paradise. And if not, then (الحور العين) will have the righteous men.
We have been learning about the Muslim Family
We talked about the husband, wife, and family. Next week we will talk about raising our household and the importance of raising our children. And finding ways to protect them from potential problems.
It is said that 90% of parents, mothers and fathers who do not comprehend their children and do not understand their right or needs. We will address this assertion next week In shA’ Allah.
We pray to Allah to guide us and our children and let them feel for us and what we do for them, and allow them to grow to spread the message of Islam.
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
O Allah Grant unto us from our wives and offspring what will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."
الدعاء
O’ Allah make us on the correct way of Islam and the way of our prophet Mohammad (PBUH) and fill our hearts with love for Prophet Mohammad.
O’ Allah give us the ability to do all the good deeds.
O’ Allah unite the Muslims and return them to their high status.
O’ Allah guide our Muslim youth and make them a great nation, like you made the Companions the best of all nations.
O’ Allah make us do prayer الصلاة on time and accept it with our supplication ( دعاء ) and charity ( صدقة)
O’ Allah forgive our sins, and the sins of our parents and the sins of all the Muslims, who are living or dead
O’ Allah make us a mercy for our relatives and our families.
O’ Allah protect us and our families and all Muslims from evil.
O’ Allah be pleased with us, and grant us your full forgiveness, and a home in your highest paradise, and permission to look upon your most beautiful face.