Khutbah 04/30/2010 - Rights of the Wife In Islam
Islam greatly defends and raises the position of women.
Allah named an entire chapter, after women: سورة النساء
There is سورة مريم and other chapters dealing with women issues. Women are honored in Islam from birth to old age
News of a Newborn:
Islam honors women and females in Quran by mentioning them first in verses that include glade-tidings of a news about newborns. Saying:
Allah Says:
For Allah is the kingdom of the heavens and the earth, He creates what He pleases; He grants to whom He pleases daughters
and grants to whom He pleases sons.”
Prophet Mohammad mentions that:
It is a good glad-tiding to be blessed by a female newborn in the first pregnancy rather than a boy.
At Birth:
Islam condemned the acts of Arabs in the Time of Ignorance and the act of burying infant girls alive:
Allah Says:
And when the female infant who was buried alive is asked, for what sin she was killed?
As Young Girls:
Islam also forbid for parents to differentiate in their love and treatment between their boys and girls based on their gender.
As Young Women:
Islam has also blessed our female youths with the right of choosing their husbands. And if a female youth is very young, Islam mandates for her to have a guardian who protects her marriage rights and selects the righteous husband for her.
As Mothers:
Islam has prohibited disobeying our mothers.
A man came to the prophet and asked him: Who is the best person worth my companionship and care?
Prophet Mohammad answered three consecutive times: “your mother,” before saying in the fourth time “your father”.
The Quran prohibited disobedience of mother s and parents by saying in Surra’t Al- Isra’a (verse 5):
“And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but him, and goodness to your parents if either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) “Ugh” nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word.”
As a Grandmother:
Islam has granted our grandmothers the right for inheriting one sixth of the inheritance to safeguard their living and wellbeing at their old age.
In the matters of heritage,
As for the belief that males inherit double as much as females. This is only one case among many others.
In fact: in 21 cases among the Islamic laws of inheritance, a female would inherit more than a male. The enemies of Allah usually try
to falsely accuse Islam of gender discrimination by mentioning only the first inheritance case. Unfortunately some Muslims carry the same path sometimes.
A clear case where a female inherits more than a male deals with a single female daughter of her parents, and an uncle and a grandfather. In this case half (most) the inheritance goes only to the daughter.
Islam Honors Divorced Women
Islam provides her a residence, as Allah says:
“Provide the divorced women residence where you dwell, according to your means, and do not harm them to make their life difficult (that they will have to leave your house). And if they are pregnant, then spend on them till they deliver.”
The divorced woman is given an Alimony according to the income of her former husband. She is also given the Dowry Or half the dowry if the marriage was not consummated.
Allah says:
“But bestow on them (a suitable gift), the rich according to his means, and the poor according to his means, a gift of reasonable amount is a duty on the doers of good.”
But where are those who run away from spending on their divorced wives and cheat on legal papers to avoid spending?
They have left what Allah ordered in his book.
Allah has honored the woman in all cases. Why don’t we follow what Allah has commanded?
The man MUST give her and her family their rights after the separation.
Spending:
The man must spend on his wife to fulfill her needs and not to intrude in her business and her kingdom, her home. The guardianship of the man is a testimony from heaven that the wife will not seek revenge from her husband in case he strikes her.
Prophet Mohammad wanted to rule with retribution when Sa’d bin ArRabee’ hit his wife but Allah cautioned the Prophet that he should not rush
and give verdict before the ruling comes from Allah. Allah (swt) revealed the ruling in that case that a wife should not hit her husband in retribution.
This is a call to all the sisters so their husbands can guard them. Because a man is not questioned or judged in disciplining his wife in fairness, not in brutality.
However, the husband must live with his wife in kindness and be generally courteous towards her.
Attending Jumm’ah: Friday Prayer:
It is also the right of the woman to participate in the congregational prayer and Jum’ah and the 2 Eids, in which even menstruating women take part.
The woman in Islam has the right of buying and selling what she wills.
She also has the full authority of her position in society whether she is a teacher, a doctor, an advisor, or a scholar.
Allah (swt) says:
“The believers, men and women, are أولياءAuliya' (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another”
Intimacy:
The husband is to spend on his wife according to his means. She also has the marital rights and intimacy.
And if there was more than one wife, the man is to equally share his time among them.
The minimum in marital intimacy is at least once after every menstruation, otherwise, he has wronged her as Allah (swt) says:
“And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you.”
The prophet (s) said
“… and in the intimacy of one of you with his wife is a good deed.
The companions said:
does one of us fulfill his own desires and gets a good deed? Prophet Mohammad said,
‘what if he had fulfilled it in a forbidden manner, would it not be a sin?’
they said ‘yes’.
He (s) said: ‘likewise, if he fulfills it in a permissible way, it is a good deed’”
I say this because many husbands interact and socialize with other women at work. And come home at the end of the night and they have grown weary of their marital life and the wife becomes like a stone in the houseor a maid that cares for him and his children and this causes the failure of many homes.
Respect:
One of the rights of the wife is the respect of her husband and for him to be jealous for her and protective of her. And to respect her family and not speak badly of them. This is an issue of high importance, because many have become careless about the whereabouts of their wives and daughters; where they are, and who they are talking to.
Allah himself is jealous, by hating when one commits sins.
قال سعد بن عبادة: لو رأيت رجلا مع امرأتي لضربته بالسيف غير مصفح.فبلغ ذلك النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم، فقال: أتعجبون من غيرة سعد؟ لأنا أغير منه ، والله أغير مني .
Sa’d Ibn Ubadah said:
“If I find a man with my wife, I would behead him with my sword without delay”
When what he said this reached the Prophet he said, “Are you be surprised of Sa’d’s jealousy? By Allah I am more jealous than he is,
And Allah is more jealous than I am.
Keeping Secrets:
Also from the rights of the wife is for her husband to keep her secrets.
Because one of the worst sins on the day of judgment is that a man spreads all the secrets of his wife.
Forgiveness:
It is very important that a man forgives his wife’s mistakes, and to turn away from talks that may lead into problems. He can turn it into playful joking and laughter in order to avoid potential problems.
Teaching Her Islam:
It is also very important to teach our wives Islam as the prophet and the companions used to do with their wives.
Raising a Family Together:
The wife has the right to share with her husband in raising their children, since the father has a role in upbringing and raising them.
He should also resolve his children’s fights and not create more problems for his wife.
And try to treat the people of your house, as if you are seeing them for the last time.
Advice for you, my Muslim Brothers
You need to have confidence in your wife. Accept and appreciate her. Listen to her and focus on her words and understand them. Encourage her to find her personality. Start by saying Salaam to her, as soon as you enter the house. Smile in her face no matter what work conflicts you may have. And thank her if she did something worth the praise.
The Prophet peace be upon him said,
Who ever does not thank the people, does not praise Allah.
To have stability in your home, dedicate a time to helping your wife around the house even if you only have a few minutes. It is your house too. And the kids are yours as well!
Sometimes you may dislike some things about your wife. Try to ignore those things, and be pleased with all the good things in her.
Remember that she is serving you and your children, and her presence in the house is a trust and a blessing.
Never forget that, many of our wives work with our children and at home much harder than we ever do at work and they don’t need us to make their life more miserable when we pretend that we are the only ones working!
She may have worked in a day, more than you do all week!
Remember this when you relax in your office chair, and play with your computer and Internet, while your wife is at home cooking and cleaning, and doing homework with your seven children, between dish washing and changing baby diapers, and washing your laundry to meet your high standards!
Try to listen to criticism and accept what she has to say, with an open and understanding mind. Do not fight her with your opinion if she is right!
Honor Her family and friends, and strengthen your relationship with them. And do not speak ill of them even if you do not like them.
Do not be stingy with your money. And Do not criticize her in front of other people. Do not raise thejealousy every hour, by mentioning to her that you will marry again. Try to adjust your behavior from time to time to please her. And do not be selfish, loving only yourself.
Finally: Do not forget in every prayer to pray, that Allah unites between your and your wife.
الدعاء
O’ Allah make us on the correct way of Islam and the way of our prophet Mohammad (PBUH) and fill our hearts with love for Prophet Mohammad.
O’ Allah give us the ability to do all the good deeds
O’ Allah unite the Muslims and return them to their high status
O’ Allah guide our Muslim youth and make them a great nation, like you made the Companions the best of all nations.
O’ Allah make us do prayer الصلاة on time and accept it with our supplication ( دعاء ) and charity ( صدقة)
O’ Allah forgive our sins, and the sins of our parents and the sins of all the Muslims, who are living or dead
O’ Allah make us a mercy for our relatives and our families.
O’ Allah protect us and our families and all Muslims from evil.
O’ Allah be pleased with us, and grant us your full forgiveness, and a home in your highest paradise, and permission to look upon your most beautiful face.