Khutbah 04/23/2010 - Marriage - Part II
A mother said to her daughter in a serious manner the following advice. This advice is a reminder for both who has no insight and also for one who has a sound mind and wisdom:
“O’ my daughter”, she said: “if a woman were to leave her husband for the wealth of her parents, I would have been the first to do so, but women were created for men and men were created for women”.
The mother was trying to show her daughter that her life was all about her husband, and to emphasize that her marriage and her husband is everything she has.
The mother wanted to strengthen the ties between her daughter and her husband. She advised her to be soft and kind, to serve her husband and her kids and not to leave the door open to the devil (Satan) to ruin her marriage and her life.
“O’ my daughter” she continued... “You leave the house of your parents in which you grew up to a new house to live with someone new. So be a great support for him just like the being his solid ground and earth...
And he’ll be a shelter for you like the skies...
And be like a servant for him and he will be like a servant for you in the same way...
And remember the following 10 characters that I’ll tell you about and he will be a safeguard for you
“ – as if the mother is trying to tell her daughter that the same way she is going to treat and be for her husband, the same way he will be for her.
“Start by doing good deeds for him and he will ever be kind to you” the mother said.
She advised her to remember the following ten characters that will protect her marriage for ever by the Will of Allah – the All Mighty
First: Be content and satisfied with what you have
Second:Be obedient to your husband
Third: Care for him to the extent that you should know what he likes to smell and know what he likes to see.
Fourth: Never let him open his eyes to something he doesn’t like to see and let him smell only the nice odor of you
Fifthand sixth: Ensure that his bed is ready for his sleep and comfort, and his food is ready for his hunger , as lack of sleep is annoying and hunger is a distraction.
Seventhand Eighth: Save his money and don’t be a spendthrift as money and wealth need good management. Care for his and your children as bringing them up needs your best care and vigilance.
Ninth: Keep his secrets, thus you’ll gain his trust, and avoid disobeying him to avoid his anger.
Tenth: And lastly don’t show him happiness at time of his grief, nor show him sorrow at the times of his happiness, as the first is a shortcoming and the second is a disappointment to him.
The mother continued to advice her daughter: “Praise your husband and he’ll honor you and agree with him and ever will last your companionship. You will never achieve what you want until you make what satisfies him comes before what pleases you and until his desires in life matches yours.
The mother informed her daughter that what breaks martial relationships is selfishness, greed and running behind being dominant in the marital relationship, and what maintains the marital relations ties strong and everlasting is honesty and sacrifice.
Take and do those advices dear brothers and sisters before your relationships reach the extent of divorce. Divorce - that has unfortunately been very common in our Islamic communities both in the West and East of the globe. These are advices for newly married couples and for those who want to maintain the integrity of their marriage.
I know that a lot of our sisters have understood and knew their husbands and their husbands have done the same, but don’t forget dear husbands and wives to renew your love and bond to each other, otherwise the relationship will collapse - just like any house or building, it needs regular and continuous rehabilitation and renewal .. The same as a bee kingdom, the more the work, the more the kingdom will cherish in production and honey.
We ask Allah to safeguard all the Muslim families and marriages and bless them.
And why not when Rasullullah has said: “If I was to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would order a wife to prostrate to her husband because of his rights on her, and even if he was ugly and rusty from head to toe and she licked him, she would not fulfill his rights.”
As for the wife who wants to expresses her personality and does not obey her husband and wants to satisfy her owns desires, we say to her: “She who goes to sleep while her husband is displeased with her, the angels spend the night cursing her” And what if she dies while her husband is displeased with her? Then the angels will continue to curse her to eternity.
We seek a new beginning for our homes, and our families, and our sons, and our daughters to guide this society to righteousness and happiness and to benefit those around us.
We must busy ourselves with calling to Allah as it is our purpose in this land and it will help us keep shaytan away and avoid problems in our homes that may lead to divorce.
This is the second part of the series. In the third, we will, with the will of Allah, discuss rights of the spouses and we will discuss the truth regarding Al-Qiwamah (the Stewardship) of the husband. What does it mean that the husband has stewardship? Is it so he can beat the wife and humiliate her?
Allah says:
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِنكَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا
And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good
There is a great reward for patience in marriage and if men only knew how much reward there is in patience and kind treatment no one will be harsh towards his wife.
Rasool Allah said that only the honorable honors women and only the cowards are cruel to them.
Islam teaches morals and Prophet Mohammad warned against those who beat their wives up then later ask them to sleep with them.
One of the last things Prophet Mohammad reminded us of was to take care of the women in kindness
Prophet Mohammad honored women during travel and in one case ordered the camel driver to ease the singing to the camels because they began shaking their howdah (الهودج) with the women inside.
Prophet Mohammad said:
رفقا بالقوارير
Be gentle with the delicate glasses.
He described women as delicate glass because the glass cannot stand violence and shatters easily.
And just like glass, some women shatter loudly, and other shatter in silence and more pain. Others shatter generating the loudest noises and how can they be used afterwards? So our Muslim brothers, never allow your relation with your wives to reach any those degrees of shattering.
The Prophet was very kind to his wives. He gave them loving nicknames and would drink from where they drank from a glass. He would dedicate a time after Isha Prayer to talk and listen to them.
It was even reported in الأثر that making women happy is similar to crying because of fearing Allah.
Some men in this country claim that they are oppressed by the laws. Perhaps some men are oppressed but most of them are in this position because they oppress their wives and cruelly beat them.
On the other hand, some women oppress their husbands because they do not obey them.
So brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives, and sons and daughters, let us listen to this list of 10 items of advice that ensures establishing peace and harmony at home.
We ask Allah to safeguard all the Muslim families and marriages... and bless them.