Khutbah 01/29/2010 - Family Bonds and Kinship
All praise be to Allah the One that named Himself the Merciful. And created human beings from water. And tied them together through kinship. And ordered us to give our kin their rights.
الحمد الله الذي خلق من الماء بشرا فجعله نسبا و صهرا
And we bear witness that there is no God but Allah, the One and only One, the Eternal and Absolute.
He delayed the sins to be judged in the Hereafter except oppression and those who severs ties of kinship, who will be punished in this life.
Praise be to Allah who says:
"Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents and your close relatives..."
And we bear witness that Mohammad is the messenger of Allah, the one who kept a strong family kinship and good relations with relatives of his wife’s relatives even after her death. He use to call his people and his tribe and say to them:
قُل لَّا أَسْأَلُكُمْ عَلَيْهِ أَجْرًا إِلَّا الْمَوَدَّةَ فِي الْقُرْبَىٰ ۗ
“No reward do I ask of you for this except to be kind to me for my kinship with you”
The Prophet said:
إن صلة الرحم من أفضل الفضائل
One of the best deeds is maintaining good family kinship
The Prophet also said:
أن أعجل الخير ثوبا صلة الرحم
The fastest rewarding deed is keeping family kinship
Anas and Shu’ba narrated that Prophet Mohammad said:
Nurse no grudge, Nurse no aversion and do not sever ties of kinship. And live like fellow-brothers as servants of Allah as Allah has commanded you."
Therefore, Allah says:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاءً ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا
O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women; and fear Allah through Whom you demand (your rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship) .
Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you.
Who are الأرحام, Ties of Family Relationship
Brothers and Sisters, who are al-arham ( الأرحام ) , those under the ties of family relationship. Islamic law sets different levels of keeping ties. The importance of keeping ties increases according to how closely related the person is to you. So in the inner circle, are the parents. Then the grandparents i.e. grandfather and grandmother. Then uncles and aunts, followed by cousins.
Islam focuses on building a strong society based on love, cooperation, and mercy. To reach this goal, Islam has established rules to govern interaction between people in society, and defining their rights and obligations. Building strong family kinships and relationships between relatives are one of the greatest goals of Islam.
The Prophet said, as reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain good relation with his kindred.”
And Allah says: "And give to the kindred his due."
Keeping ties in Islam does not stop at being good only to relatives who are good to you. Because that would mean the strength of relationship is strictly based on reward or .مكافئة Which means to return a good deed. And makes one dishonorable if they fail to perform it. However, Silat ar-Raham (صلة الرحم) i.e. family kinships by definition has nobility in it. It means striving to rejoin ties after disconnection.
Abdullah bin Amro bin Al-Aas (عبدالله بن عمرو بن العاص ) narrates that the Prophet said: " الواصل(one who maintains good relation with his kinship) is not one who repays the good done to him by his relatives, but he is the one who keeps good relations with relatives who have severed the bond of kinship with him."
There are many ways to maintain your relations such as by way of visiting and calling to say Salaam and helping by getting things done for one’s relatives. One may also give money and financial support to relatives which is an honorable way to build strong family ties.
The Prophet peace be upon him advised:
“Giving charity to the one in need is a charity. And giving charity to a relative is a charity as well as a reaching out.”
If wealthy relative has relative who is in need, then nothing counts as صلة الرحم until he gives the one in need.
Merits and benefits of keeping good family relations
1. One gains the pleasure of Allah by keeping family relations. The Messenger of Allah said:
Whoever believes in Allah and the last day, then let him be generous to his guest. And whoever believes in Allah and the last day, let him unite the bond of kinship. And whoever believes in Allah and the last day, let him say that which is good or observe silence.”
Related to this, Abu Ayub Al-Ansari narrated:
“A man said: O Messenger of Allah, inform of a deed that if I do it, I shall enter paradise. Prophet peace be upon him (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:
‘Worship Allah and do not associate anything with him, establish Salaah, give Zakaah and unite bonds of kinship.”
2. Keeping the bonds of kinship makes your Judgment easier, and allows you to enter Paradise, and saves you from going to the Hellfire.
A Bedouin asked the prophet: “tell me what of deeds, that will make me closer to Jannah and farther from hell”. The Prophet replied: "Believe in Allah and do not worship none but him. Pray your Salaah. Give charity Zakaah. And keep your family bonds strong."
3. Keeping strong family relations increases both a person’s wealth and lifespan.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever would be pleased to have his Rizq widened (provision and sustenance increased) and his life lengthened, then let him keep ties with his relatives”
4. Kinship is the best of deeds and most loved by Allah.
The prophet was asked by someone: "Which of the deeds is best beloved by Allah?" He replied: "Believing in Allah and then keeping family kinship".
It is a cause for one’s reward to increase after death because his relatives will pray for him whenever they remember his goodness.
5. Keeping Strong Kinship is a reason to receive forgiveness
In the book of Altirmithi, Ibn Omar narrates that a man came to the Prophet saying: "I have sinned a big sin so if there repentance for me?" The prophet replied: "Do you have a mother?" The man said: "No". The prophet then asked: "Do you have an aunt?" The man replied: "Yes". The prophet then ordered him to keep his ties close to her, be obedient and respect her, and he will be forgiven.
6. Ibn Abbas narrates, The Prophet said:
إن الله ليعمّر بالقوم الديار ، ويثمر لهم الأموال ، وما نظر إليهم منذ خلقهم بغضاً لهم ، قيل وكيف ذلك يا رسول الله ، قال : بصلتهم لأرحامهم
Allah Blesses people and grants them great fortune to succeed and increases their wealth greatly and would never look at them with displeasure.
The Prophet was asked: And how do they reach that?
He said: Because they keep strong Kinship.
7. "Keeping strong kinship prevents bad endings and prevent dying in a situation unpleasing to Allah", as narrated in a Hadeeth by Anas:
Harm caused by severing family ties and relationships
We should be very careful Brothers and Sisters. Those who sever family relations or men who prevent their wives from visiting their families will be punished severely. Cutting off family ties is not only being bad to a relative. It also includes stopping good practices that one used to do for relatives without a valid excuse.
Cutting relations in Islam is not only forbidden but it is also one of the major sins .الكبائر Allah severely warned those who cut off their blood relatives and family ties.
Allah says:
فَهَلْ عَسَيْتُمْ إِنْ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ أَنْ تُفْسِدُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوا أَرْحَامَكُمْ * أُولَئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَعَنَهُمُ اللَّهُ فَأَصَمَّهُمْ وَأَعْمَى أَبْصَارَهُمْ
Would you then, if you were give the authority, destroy the land and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.
The curse of Allah is upon those who sever blood relations. You must reach out to your relatives, your mother and father, sisters and brothers, uncles and aunts.
Prophet Yahya يحيى was obedient to his parents. And Jesusعيسى was obedient to his mother and every Prophet prayed for his parents to be forgiven.
This is connection that Allah commanded us to establish. Many people these days cut off their relationships with their parents because they become occupied and busy with their own worldly life. Others may have been turned against their family by their wives. Some were turned against their family by their husbands.
All of you Brothers and Sisters! return to your kin and strengthen your family relations. For all the good and blessings of Allah only come from being good to your relatives.
Call them and talk to them and help them, for there is much you can do to become closer to them to gain the pleasure of Allah and receive more blessings and a longer life. And the greatest rewards in this life and the next.
تربية الأولاد في الغرب على صلة الرحم
عن أنس-رضي الله عنه- قال: قال رسول الله : إن الرحم شُجْنةُ متمِسكة بالعرش تكلم بلسان ذُلَق ، اللهم صل من وصلني واقطع من قطعني ، فيقول ـ تبارك وتعالى ـ : أنا الرحمن الرحيم ، و إني شققت للرحم من اسمي ، فمن وصلها وصلته،ومن نكثها نكثه
يجب على الأهل أن يعلموا أبناءهم وبناتهم لغة الأبوين ، سواءً كانت العربية أم الأوردو أم السواحيلي أم غير ذلك ، وأخص بالذكر اللغة العربية ، فهي مهمة جدا للدين وللقرآن .
وليس ذلك فقط ، فإن أهل أكثر الآباء هنا يتكلمون لغة غير الإنجليزية ، وكيف يستطيع الأبناء أن يتكلموا مع أهلهم في البلاد إن كانوا لا يستطيعون الرد ؟ كيف تتكلم الجدة مع حفيدها والولد لا يستطيع إجابتها أو فهمها ، فلا هو يفهم ، ولا أقاربه من صغار أو كبار يفهمون ، مما يحدث جفوةبين العيال والأهل .
ولذلك كان من الواجب علينا تعليم أبنائنا لغتنا الأصلية ، وإلا فأنهم سيفقدون أرحامهم ، ويقطعون أرحامهم شيئا فشيئا ، فإننا حين نبعدهم عن لغتهم ، فنحن نلقي بهم الى التهلكة ونضعهم في طريق قطع أرحامهم .
Raising your Children in the West on Keeping Family Ties
Parents in this country must teach their children their native language whether it is Arabic, Urdu, Swahili, Spanish, or another. And especially Arabic as it is the language of the Quran. The majority of us here speak English as a second language but our children hardly speak our first language. How then can our children communicate with our families? How can they talk to their grand parents and uncles back home? How can a grand child learn to love a grand mother whom he doesn’t understand and can not answer back?
This loss of language WILL SEVER family ties and establishes a great barrier between families. Therefore, we are required to teach our children our first language. Otherwise we will be setting them on the path that leads to severing family relationships and a life of misery.
To summarize
Severing one’s blood ties is the worst decision that any man, woman, or child can ever carry out. But it is a great evil and a major sin that may hinder you from entering Paradise.
The Prophet peace be upon him said:
واصل الرحم يدخل الجنة ، وقاطعها مقطوع من الله ولا يدخل الجنة
“He who maintains the family ties shall enter Paradise. And whoever severs it shall be severed by Allah and will not enter Paradise”
Many good deeds bear fruit that will not be seen until the hereafter. But keeping good family relations is something that will benefit you immediately, by making this life a lot happier and more pleasant and rewarding.
And remember what Allah says in the Quran:
وَالَّذِينَ يَنقُضُونَ عَهْدَ اللَّهِ مِن بَعْدِ مِيثَاقِهِ وَيَقْطَعُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَن يُوصَلَ وَيُفْسِدُونَ فِي الْأَرْضِ ۙ أُولَـٰئِكَ لَهُمُ اللَّعْنَةُ وَلَهُمْ سُوءُ الدَّارِ
And those who break the Covenant of Allah, after its confirmation, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, On them is the curse (they will be far away from Allah's Mercy) and for them is the unhappy home (Hell) .
In the book of Al-Bukhari, Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) says:
"Allah created His creation, and when He had finished it, the womb (referring to ties of kinship) pleaded to Allah and Allah said, "What is the matter?'
On that, the womb said 'I seek refuge with you from those who sever the ties of kith and kin.'
On that Allah said,
'Will you be satisfied if I bestow My favors on him who keeps your ties, and withhold My favors from him who severs your ties
On that the it said, 'Yes, O my Lord!'
Then Allah said, 'That is for you.'
الدعاء D'ua
O’ Allah make us on the correct way of Islam
and the way of our prophet Mohammad (PBUH)
O’ Allah give us the ability to do all the good deeds
O’ Allah unite the Muslims and return them to their high status
O’ Allah guide our Muslim youth and make them a great nation
O’ Allah make us do prayer ( الصلاة ) on time and accept our supplication ( دعاء)
O’ Allah accept our charity and sadaqa (
صدقة)
O’ Allah forgive our sins, and the sins of our parents
and the sins of all the Muslims, who are living or dead
O’ Allah accept our prayers, and grant us your full forgiveness
O’ Allah grant us the journey of Hajj during our life time
O’ Allah make us a mercy for our relatives and our families.
O’ Allah protect us and our families and all Muslims from evil.